So it seems that I have been convinced into running a D&D campaign for Mr’s Dent and Watkinson, so my natural inclination was to go back to my old notes and find the most horrible and degrading things to put them through. Unfortunately all I could find was the table of punishment, an interesting little thing similar to the wandering damage system which I came up with when starting a campaign with two notoriously troublesome players, though one of said players actually managed to make use of some of the results I still find it an amusing list and would like to share it with whatever minuscule number of people will view this.

To use this table to simply roll, or have the player who is the target of your ire roll a d20, then either calmly work the result into the game or shout incoherently until everyone understands what is happening.

  1. Pimp spits in their mouth, catch hepatitis (this can be used in any manner you wish, whether via ongoing poison damage or some other interesting mechanic you know of)
  2. Lose an eye, perception – 5 and the character loses their depth perception
  3. The character gets a paper cut, it really hurts
  4. The character has a broken heart, must periodically make a will save against depression/stopping and weeping uncontrollably
  5. There is a random encounter (if you’re feeling particularly cruel, create a second list of difficultly levels and roll to decide how difficult the encounter will be)
  6. The character is hit in the head with a rock, -5hp
  7. The character is only allowed to speak backwards
  8. The character stubs a toe, loses some hp and has difficultly moving around
  9. The character grows an extra appendage which has a mind of it’s own
  10. The character has a constantly runny nose
  11. They suddenly think they can fly, they actually can not fly
  12. Horses become weirdly attracted to them
  13. Lose an arm, -[x] dexterity (where [x] is however cruel you’re feeling)
  14. An item breaks
  15. They become a house cat when surprised
  16. 20% of their gold is stolen
  17. The character has an accident, has an item stuck to them (the more unwieldy the item, the better)
  18. Sand rips their eyes out
  19. They can now only see things when the objects/people are moving
  20. The character loses a leg, move at half speed (or even lesser)

And there you have it my dear and possibly non-existent friends, the table of punishment, a device which was not wholly successful but still amusing enough to make it worthwhile.