So my beautiful and not at all boring readers, I have some knowledge to implant into your fragile and overtly yellow minds. During an awkward car journey with my aunt and her daughter I realised that the majority of my anecdotes are only funny if the lucky person hearing me speak was involved in said anecdote, this seems like a problem to me, a problem I hope to rectify by turning my vast and unsinkable writing prowess to the task of making shit up.
I came to this stunning realisation because earlier in the day, the aunt who was kind enough to give me the lift was regaling myself and other family members with stories from my family’s past, stories of which I was more than happy to listen to seeing as I have always found learning more about my family fun. Well that’s a lie, I haven’t always found learning more about my family fun, for example;
Earlier today I discovered something disturbing, my cousin once removed (my cousin’s son) has a son, a son whose birth I clearly remember happening whilst I was at college. The child being only two/three years old has been immutable to my mind, but today the subject of the child’s sixth birthday came up and I would not (and still fucking won’t gorram it) accept that the kid is nearly six years old. Now, either my entire family is lying to me in some twisted ploy to gain some intangible benefit from my confusion, or my perception of the passage of time and my memory of events is rather badly warped, I suspect that the first one is correct.
See? Most of you won’t have been around for the described event and will have found the entire thing uninteresting, but if you were there, the memory of me throwing chairs into walls has probably just sent you into gales of laughter! So, once I have polished the story of that time I single-handedly defeated like, fifty ninjas and then went on to sleep with all their wimmins, I’ll post it here for the internets to see in a grovelling apology for my poor anecdotes.
Next time on semi-coherent sentences, we get to see some furiously typed thoughts about the various denominations of Christianity and organised religion in general.
